Yes, today is about D E C I S I O N.
It was a great news yesterday but today I am freakin’ upset. I cried a lot since this morning because of disappointment. I never thought of a great news would cause a bad news. It was only yesterday, I received a notification that I passed a preliminary session of a scholarship that I currently pursue. But, it means that I have to take several days off due to the next substantive test. At first, I was so overwhelmed because this is freaking fast and next week is a busy week. I can’t help but negotiating for my absence. Well, of course it wouldn’t run well. I felt so cornered as if I am a bad teacher for leaving the students. The hardest thing were the words “I lost my trust on you” . It was so painful. I never thought of receiving those words after committing all myself to the school. I feel like being a bad person. This is freaking distracting. So, I keep thinking of ‘what’s going on? What did I do wrong to deserve this? Since the start, I have been working day and night for the sake of the students.’ It’s really not fair. Teaching career is not a joke, so that I try to excel into a bigger thing. Moreover, this is not the first time but the third time. I’ve lost two big chances this year and I can’t sacrifice this important chance anymore. No matter what, I am not afraid of failure, I just don’t want to regret chances. God has given me a light to seek for biggest opportunity, do you think I will just sit and stay? Of course, no. I always believe what I pursue right now is a good thing. I value God’s grace as much as I value my hardship.