Fine on the Outside

I am currently recalling my piece of artwork, a poetry, a very simple one. This is ridiculous that I suddenly reminisce some old blurred moments. In contrast, I am actually extremely happy for being accepted in a University and funded by a Scholarship. It was just announced that I passed the Scholarship test and few days ago, I got a news about being selected to enroll a further education in a University that I desire.Yeah! I did it! I think this is the best part of June. Mmmuahh. I love June! The best month of the year! Yeeayy! I finally end something and I am ready to start a bigger thing.

Well. Last month, during the interview of the Scholarship, one of the reviewer asked me to deliver a short poetry. He had checked my CV and found out that I had been active in art and literature pretty much.  To tell the truth, I was completely blank for a moment to think “……Goshhhh. I have no word in my mind!” But I smiled a lot in front of them. Then, I remembered one poetry that I wrote during my first year in University before. My bad, I forget the title now but at that time I didn’t forget it. It was written during a special workshop with Sally Breen, a literature lecturer from Griffith University, Australia. (She is really cool! She guided me very well.) Something I could remember was it’s a poetry about “loneliness”. So, during the interview, I tried hard to recall every single word but I didn’t really remember the whole words so I made it up. It turned out to be a little different but the message was still the same. The reviewer asked me why I wrote it, so I clarified the meaning behind that miserable poetry. It was a honest feeling that I experienced during my first year. I left home, got homesick constantly, met new friends, got envious over some good looking friends, hated my unrequited love, felt belittled and had no place to express my thought. Yeah, I had so many friends and my classmates were freaking awesome but I still felt lonely for several reasons. So, I wished ‘Mr. Loneliness’ would leave me alone. It was a complete hell. I tried so hard to look cool, calm and okay from the outside but once I came back to my bedroom, I cried alone. I also had another bad habit. I used to cry a lot while riding my motorbike on the way home. My campus was two hours from my hometown and once I had a serious problem, I would cry all the way home while riding. Hahaaaaaaaa… Poor girl! Hell yeah, It was really complicated.

Anyway, a day before the interview, I accidentally watched a video from the singer Priscilla Ahn with the song “Fine on the Outside”. It’s a pretty soft song about a person who grew up with no friend and suffered a lonely journey. I think I was inspired by the song so I instantly recalled my poetry about Loneliness. I am not really lonely right now. I finally find a way to deal with myself and be more grateful to who I am. I think nothing is better than being grateful. We know that we usually feel unstable when we want something so bad but we never really get what we think we deserve. In the end, what we get are only negativity, insecurity, pressure and excessive dramatic emotion. However, being grateful teaches us to be a happy person.  It completes us and makes us to be more confident toward our goals. It creates a positive energy inside us and motivates us to learn to accept thing. To be exact, I have overcome those lonely moments quite well. I am over it! I move on! I grow up!

I become a happy person now and I hope it continue.

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