Yes, today is about D E C I S I O N.
It was a great news yesterday but today I am freakin’ upset. I cried a lot since this morning because of disappointment. I never thought of a great news would cause a bad news. It was only yesterday, I received a notification that I passed a preliminary session of a scholarship that I currently pursue. But, it means that I have to take several days off due to the next substantive test. At first, I was so overwhelmed because this is freaking fast and next week is a busy week. I can’t help but negotiating for my absence. Well, of course it wouldn’t run well. I felt so cornered as if I am a bad teacher for leaving the students. The hardest thing were the words “I lost my trust on you” . It was so painful. I never thought of receiving those words after committing all myself to the school. I feel like being a bad person. This is freaking distracting. So, I keep thinking of ‘what’s going on? What did I do wrong to deserve this? Since the start, I have been working day and night for the sake of the students.’ It’s really not fair. Teaching career is not a joke, so that I try to excel into a bigger thing. Moreover, this is not the first time but the third time. I’ve lost two big chances this year and I can’t sacrifice this important chance anymore. No matter what, I am not afraid of failure, I just don’t want to regret chances. God has given me a light to seek for biggest opportunity, do you think I will just sit and stay? Of course, no. I always believe what I pursue right now is a good thing. I value God’s grace as much as I value my hardship.
We should play fair and always welcome to listen to people. If we work in team, we should make a decision as a team. We can’t just grab decision by ourselves, arrange everything alone and insist our ego while the others are screaming out loud to give a proper addition. I am not in a place of talking ‘all the right things’ because I am still so inexperience and poor. But, I have a right to show my feelings and to utter my words. We can’t just focus on the negative side. Let’s focus on the positive thing, compromise and reinforce the good work.
Sometimes adult forget how it feels to be young, so they belittle everything young people do. Just like how some adults belittle the work of thesis, they say “hey! Why would you spend so much emotion and energy only on a thesis for a degree?” Half of those words sound true but it doesn’t mean that we should not be focused. I disagree for those adults who always forget how it feels to be a young adult. I don’t know why they forget about how important thesis is for a University student. There is nothing wrong for studying well and be focused on study.
When I was a freshman, I was getting more irritated to all seniors who always belittled my subjects. Some of them would say “oh. Come on. It’s just a freshman’s subject! It’s a piece of cake!” They always acted as my matter was not as important as theirs. Actually, it’s not always right. Hello, open your miiiindd! We can’t compare anybody’s business. We are never in the same situation 100%!
The other simpler example is when some adults are pretty busy to be mature and they forget how it feels to be a student. You know what, in every test my students always ask,”can I use pencil? Can I use blue ink pen?” . I believe it’s a silly thing for an adult, but it’s a serious thing for a seventh grade student. As a teacher, I consider it seriously. I think we can’t just be angry at the students just because we [adult] think it’s not a big deal.
As a young adult, I start to realize how immature I am. I thought I grew up a lot since entering college but this time, I don’t find it the same way. I feel more childish than before but happier now. I think to have a childish side is not bad thing after all. We can’t act so serious all the time and we can’t play around all the time as well. There is one thing in the world that we should keep “balance”. The balance of working hard as hell, and having fun to the fullest. Whenever I have problem, I will just cry, speak to people, find solution and let it disappear. Then, start again. I have no time to curse the darkness. Better let bygone be bygone.
We’ll NEVER BE as young as we are now ..
Someday, I’ll get married and have kids. My mentality will change so nothing to rush. Let the present be present and future be a future.