I personally can be sensitive and I am clumsy in expressing my feeling. I don’t expose my inner emotion easily to people. When I got disappointed, I am that type of a person who will put a big smile on my face in front of others but end up crying alone facing the wall when I got home. Haha. If I could recall the time when I studied in the north, I usually cried on my ride all the way home every time I felt sad. Ok this is embarrassing but it’s true. It took 2-3 hours to reach my home from the north and all the way home, I could cry. I don’t understand. Every time there is a mute around me, there will be so many voices arise inside my head. They are very noise that some of them could kill me. Some will remind me to something I haven’t done or some failure. Sometimes, it keeps speaking continuously like an virtual chat. It makes me crazy that I feel my head exploded. That’s why I hate being left alone.
Honestly, I am so envious of my students. Sometimes, they can be very confident and so sure about themselves. They are all very very young but frankly able to confess their feelings toward each other. I can’t believe it. When I was young, I was totally not like that. I was still so clumsy and even worse than now. I got stuck every time I wanted to point the thing that I desired. Most of the time, I gave up on my desire, kept it as a secret and buried myself in misery. It was really distressful. How could I be such a complicated kid?
Human is not a mind reader. Even, my classmate used to named me “unpredictable”. Is it really that hard to read me? How can I compromise if people cannot reach what I want them to understand.
As today, there were two students who came to me saying,”Ms, please don’t leave us. We don’t want a new teacher. Please don’t go.” For a sudden, I was smiling and joking as if I didn’t take it seriously. However, deep inside my heart, it felt really touching that I wanted to cry. I feel so appreciated. They make me feel that I truly “exist” and my job is so precious. For a young person like me, teaching kids is not an easy deal. They can be very funny and annoying at the same time. As time goes by, they gave me power and confidence. They always listen to my voice but there are also times when I want to listen to their voices and it helps me to see myself in a different angle. I am so thankful that by teaching them, I also learn lot from them.
Some of my students’ works this month. So proud of them! Thanks, kids!